In late 2014, I wrote a very personal blog post sharing my history of battling an eating disorder from 2004-2006. I was shocked to see my post received over 300 shares on facebook and numerous outreaches from my collegiate soccer teammates and close friends. This was a huge wake-up call to me—the discussion of eating disorders, especially among athletes, is needed, and desired. Soon after my post, I decided to call a public relations group out of Greenville, South Carolina to fill them in on my story as well as the amount of social media attention that was received. Weeks later I received a phone call asking if I could fly out to New York City for a segment on The Today Show—whaaaat!!! With Kathie Lee and Hoda—whaaat!!! I nearly had my flight booked and bags packed when they cancelled my interview the day before I was supposed to leave. It was National Eating Disorder Awareness week; however they highlighted a different story. I was super bummed, but again…another wake-up call. So here we are again and I want to share the rest of my story.
As portrayed in my previous blog, I had been in a dark place for quite some time. Perhaps some couldn’t tell during my first year of college, but my mom told me I had lost the sparkle in my eye. Talk about a gut check. I was able to get to 120-125 lbs. from 109 lbs., but what did it prove? I knew deep down that my relationship with food was not completely restored; however, I bet those from an outside perspective assumed I was better. A miracle happened 6-9 months later…I received a rose in a woman’s workshop attached with this following Bible verse: “The King is enthralled by your beauty; Honor Him for He is the Lord.” Psalm 45:11. This verse made me realize, with spirit-led help, I could conquer my eating disorder even though I regained most of my weight back by eating more, moving less and attending weekly check-ups or check-ins.
Months after receiving the rose, instead of focusing my attention on the very reason that allowed me to feel a glimpse of hope, Jesus Christ, I embraced the “work hard, party hard” mentality—shocking, I know (ha!). I never got too crazy, but 1409 Carson Street was definitely getting the party house reputation—of course this was mostly during the offseason 😉
As time progressed, I was on and off in regards to my relationship with God. I would attend church, but I was consistently inconsistent if that makes any sense. I would get involved with Athletes In Action for one or two weeks then disappear for a few weeks. My relationship with food was better compared to my freshman and sophomore years. I wasn’t afraid to have ice cream every now and then and going out to eat no longer made me anxious. My weight stabilized between 120 to 125 lbs. However, with all of these positive changes happening I still struggled with what it truly looked like to eat normal. How does one gain weight or lose weight and maintain that spot? What does it take? Personally, it took me a true commitment to Christ. Not a half-ass kind of thing. It was a “let’s do this and lay it ALL out there” kind of thing.
It took me quite some time to truly figure that out and it directed me towards getting my Master’s Degree while getting re-baptized during my graduate years. I eventually went off to my dietetic internship followed by passing my exam to become a licensed Registered Dietitian. I now work full-time at one of the top rated weight loss facilities in America—interesting…weight loss. Even though I work with people whose primary goals are to lose weight, I can relate to so many of our guests. The internal battles are alive and real. My relationship with Christ can always get better, I will admit that one, but I have to truly give Him all the credit to my recovery and I can only hope my story inspires others to share their personal stories and encourages how to practice forgiveness for any damage done to one’s self-image. Thanks for reading. Quick question, do you know your story?